Over the last 9-1/2 years my life has consisted of a rotating cycle of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, navigating those first few scary & uncertain weeks and months, watching my babies turn into toddlers, preschoolers, Kindergarteners, you get the point.  That cycle is now on it's last full rotation, my childbearing years are officially over and I think I am happy about that....I AM happy about that but sad too. I LOVE babies!! If they could only stay babies....I would have waaaaay too many of them!
I struggle with letting go of the babies.  I struggle with the reality of losing my bab(ies).  I'm not sure I am good at being a parent to children who have graduated from Kindergarten....it is exponentially harder, I think.  Harder emotionally, mentally, more stressful.....and again, I find myself scared!  Scared I won't be the mom they need me to be, or the mom that God made me to be, hating the loss of the children who are dependent on me for everything and in whose eyes Mommy can do no wrong!  This journey called parenthood is not for the faint of heart, I sure hope I am up for the task.